Showing Intention and Purpose This Dating Season

Photo by Jasmine Carter on

I’m single AF and ready to mingle! But that’s easier said than done when you’re an introvert at heart. It naturally takes me a long time to get a feel for a person and to fully open up. I also enjoy being at home. It’s great, and all of my stuff is there!  

I’ve had my share of failed relationships, and even a divorce. I’ve fallen into a LONG situationship that should have ended at “hello”. Despite all of that, I am still hopeful. This time around I am open to new love.  It definitely takes work, though. Lots of patience is needed as well. I mean, how many times can you tell a person your favorite color or song?!

After several pushes from others I decided to try online dating this time. Guys just don’t “holla” at you at the gas station or grocery store like they used to, so online it is. After just a few clicks, messages, and swipes, I quickly learned some things. I realized that I knew what I wanted and needed at this point in my life. I knew that this quest for love had to be met with different standards than before. I had to have intention and purpose.

Some people may see my intention and purpose for dating as being judgemental, but that’s their issue not mine. This time around I’m being cautious with my heart and striving to find true love again. Here are the 5 things that I search for and demand as I go through my online dating experience:

It’s The Name For Me! I don’t know what ratchet human would get a dating profile and name themselves “Viper”, “Top Dawg”, “Hitta”, “Playboy” and more, but you will not pass go! It’s an automatic no for me. If things were to actually go anywhere I can’t introduce “Viper” to my family. So yeah, there’s no intention or purpose in dating your nickname, and if your family really gave you that name at birth then they definitely aren’t the in-laws I’m looking for.

You’re Looking For What? Many dating profiles have an introductory section that states what the person is looking for. If I notice that your profile says that you are looking for “friendship”, “chatting” or flat out “not looking for a relationship” then I know that you’re not for me. I know that I’m looking for a long-term relationship that leads to a fulfilling marriage. So if you’re starting off with situationship vibes, then I see major red flags. Aht, aht not today sir!

Pose For The Camera. Unfortunately, visual images usually grab immediate attention. The initial profile picture makes you want to swipe and read more. But if I see your profile picture with other women, it’s a no for me. Is that your child, sister, aunt, cousin, or etc?  I don’t know, but you give me flirty vibes. I can’t do it.  I’m not built to be a sister-wife or a stepmom of 10 children.  

It Goes Down In The Dm’s. So in my experience, messaging is cool….sometimes. It’s a great way to get a feel for someone before giving them your real phone number. However, those conversations should be light and fun. Asking what turns me on during the first DM conversation is a turn off for me. Save that for the in-person date. Also, asking if someone is affectionate during the first conversation is another turn off in the DM’s. Do you need a hug? You may have gotten a hug or more, but you’re moving too fast sir! Slow down, I’m a lady….

Word Is Bond. I’ve experienced way too many relationships that I should have left at the first sign of dishonesty. So this time around, the little things are a major turn off. If we transition from DM messages to text messages that’s a step in the right direction. But if we constantly send text messages and you confirm an actual phone call with a scheduled time, call at that time. Then, if you go ghost for hours or days just to ask to call again, you sir are the weakest link. Now you’re on mute and possibly even blocked. If you can’t keep your word in the beginning with the little things, how will it play out down the line? 

If I’m dating with intention and purpose, I can’t let things like this slide. I’m also a mompreneur and time is money.  If I pause from blog writing, ghostwriting, ect. then we need to have a worthwhile phone conversation or date.  

So let’s keep our fingers crossed, prayer warriors on speed dial and Jesus on the main line as I search for real love again.  Although it’s challenging, it can be fun. If you’re in the dating pool like me, be safe and stay clear of the potential pee in the pool water. Whatever you do, have fun and guard your heart with intention and purpose for a forever love. Oh, and hit me up if you have a dope brother, uncle or cousin that’s ready for love too!

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